Fairy With A Gun
by Alyak Elocin
Summary: Because Katie dude wanted this reposted so bad I reposted it. It is basically what the title says: a fairy with a gun.
1. Keep Away From Juandissimo

"Fairy With a Gun"

Chapter 1 "Keep Away From Juandissimo"

Wanda paused for a moment. She looked far in the distance and mysteriously glanced at the one she knew as Juandissimo. She wondered what happened between them. Then, she felt a shaking feeling.

"Cosmo! You lame jackass!" she screamed.

"What?" He replied.

"Stop shaking me!"

Cosmo finally stopped shaking her. She peeked at Juandissimo. Everything about him was so perfect – his hair was always shiny and he was so sexy. But, as she looked at Cosmo's green stupid body, she realized that Cosmo was the one and Juan's looks weren't everything and didn't mean anything.

Juandissimo was now twirling his dark black hair through his fingers and Wanda was getting addicted to his allure even more than ever. Cosmo finally got some intelligence and realized that Wanda and Juan were flirting. (It's about time if you ask me)

He pushed between them and screamed: "What the hell? Stop fucking flirting!"

Juan angrily replied: "Cosmo, get a fucking life. Wanda was wrong to marry you and I am sexier than you!"

"You always bring your 'sexiness' into everything!" Wanda got in to the screaming fight. "Juandissimo, I love Cosmo and no one can replace him! Leave me alone!"

Juan now went insane. "WANDA! IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU, COSMO NOR NO ONE ELSE CAN!" He pulled out a gun and tried to shoot. Wanda and Cosmo poofed away.

"Damn it!" Juan said to himself.

Meanwhile, where Cosmo and Wanda went off too (which was Timmy's house), they poofed up and freaked Timmy out.

"Hi Timmy!" Cosmo said.

"Hi Cosmo, Hi Wanda."

"Juandissimo is trying to kill us." Wanda said.

"Why?" Timmy asked.

"Because he doesn't like us anymore!" Wanda freaked out.

"Oh, what can we do? Any fairy can be here right now!" Timmy freaked out too.

"Juan has never been here, so he would never come here" Wanda said

"Alright" Timmy shook his head.

Back where Juandissimo was, he was growling with anger and he was beginning to look like a stick of dynamite, red and furious (and not sexy fyi)

"Damn it, why can't I find those fucking bastards!" he screamed very loudly.

"I don't know honey, try and try again" Mama Cosma screamed back.

(Now, you are probably saying to yourself 'why the hell is Juan with Mama Cosma?' Actually, I was wondering that myself.)

Later, Juan was walking around Fairy World, demanding to know what the whereabouts of Wanda and Cosmo were.

"We don't monitor the fairies whereabouts Juandissimo. This is the 200th time you asked. It's always gonna be the same damn answer! Don't fucking come back here!" Jorgen screamed.

"Fine whatever bitch" Juan said under his breath.

Wanda was struggling to put together a nifty disguise. "Nah" she kept saying to all the outfits Cosmo and Timmy picked out. (Men suck at shopping, but they shop good for beer (and maybe tampons if you pay them))

"Timmy, what color looks best on me – pink or pink?"

"I dunno ask Cosmo" Timmy said

"I won't I guess the color that looks absolutely gorgeous on me is pink."

"Well duh!" Cosmo got in the conversation.

"Thanks for all your help guys" Wanda said

"Whatever" Cosmo and Timmy said in unison

Wanda's new disguise was the same thing she already had on. Pink and more pink. Looking the same as you did a minute ago isn't a great disguise. That's how people in the Witness Protection Program are killed.


	2. Brand New

"Fairy With a Gun"

Chapter 2 "Brand New"

**Note: In the last chapter, at the end of it, they were shopping in Timmy's room, not no mall or anything. They aren't that stupid!**

Wanda dropped her (not really diamonds) diamond necklace on the floor, trying to put together a real disguise. The necklace was a gift from Juandissimo a couple years back before she met Cosmo. She cherished it and thought it was real diamonds.

"Wanda……um……that's a fake" Timmy said as he examined it

"Oh. That bitch Juan" she said as she poofed it away

Wanda knew Juandissimo was cheap. He was always cheap. He couldn't even afford an engagement ring when all he could was poof it to where ever they were at the moment!

"God, that guy was and is so fucking cheap!" she screamed.

She decided the biggest biggest BIGGEST AND ONLY decision she had EVER EVER EVER EVER made in her life – she wanted to break free from Juandissimo and start fresh (with the same god child of course and with Cosmo). She didn't want the crap she had with Juandissimo to go on any longer – and she didn't want to die.

She took Cosmo and Timmy and poofed away with them to somewhere exotic – Fairy World. She provided bulletproof vests (that Juandissimo didn't have) and all the supplies they would need. She put on her Crimson Lynn suit.

(Now you are probably thinking – "Who the hell is Crimson Lynn?". Well, Crimson Lynn is a female spin-off of the Crimson Chin)

The Crimson Lynn suit didn't fit Wanda. It was wayyyyy toooo small…….

So, for Plan B disguise – and there wasn't one. There wasn't even a Plan A. What was Wanda to do? She poofed a bigger Crimson Lynn suit to herself. Turns out they only made one size. It said "one size fits all". Yea right.

"Shit. I need a disguise!" she screamed.

"Wanda, I got your disguise." Someone called out

"Ok, hand it to me."

A gunshot was fired.

That was a shot they heard around the world.

Turns out, the hitman didn't shoot Wanda. He shot Mama Cosma. And the hitman was Juandissimo.

"Mama!" called out Cosmo.

"Don't say a word. Just run Cosmo and Timmy!" Wanda screamed.

And that was the scream they heard around the world.

And Mama Cosma was dead! Yay!


	3. Change Of Fate

"Fairy With a Gun"

"Change of Fate"

Juan paused. He knew all the news would get out. Everyone would know. They would take away his wand and his rule book.

He was depressed, a pressed, and oppressed (whatever those last two words mean). He was so angry at ------------------------------------ his sexiness.

He had gone psycho, and psycho wasn't a good thing ---- and sometimes it was. That meant that he was psycho, and it was good. Wanda wasn't gonna die.

Crap! I just told you the ending of the story!

Moving on –

Juan looked down at himself, staring. People were staring at him and he was staring at himself. He went even more crazy.

"Oh my god! Stop fucking staring at me you bitches!" he yelled. But, there was no one there, and no one was staring at him.

He decided to go into the nearest local coffee shop and have some lemonade with coffee in it. That was his favorite drink. His favoritest, and they only one he'd ever had – ever.

He sat down, pulled out his pack of cigarettes, and lit a smoke. He gently puffed on it, and blew out passionate fake air. A waiter walked over to him and said to him – "Juandisssimo, are you going crazy?"

Juan nicely replied – "Maybe sir. Can I have some lemonade with coffee?"

"No, because you aren't in a coffee shop, you are in a bar. And I'm absolutely not a waiter. I'm Jorgen!"

"Wait a minute – Your Jorgen…….? Who the hell is that?" Juan pointed.

"Um…….your wife dumbass!" Jorgen said.

"I have a wife?"

"Yes, it's Mama Cosma. Are you going through memory loss?"

"Yes, I think so."

Later that night, Juandissimo couldn't remember anything except two things – how he wants to kill Wanda and how he is sexy. And what Jorgen told him of course.

He told Mama Cosma – "I don't want to fucking kill Wanda, I want to fucking fuck you."

Mama Cosma agreed – but only for that night.


End file.
